i had a baby

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Every time I look into her little face, I'm still blown away by the fact that I have another daughter. This was something that I was sure would never happen again for me. I had accepted my fate, and adjusted my expectations so that I could find happiness with my life. 

I spent my whole pregnancy anxious and incredibly sick, but also excited and hopeful. My body, the one that I was told would never carry another child to full term, managed to create this tiny human that is perfectly healthy and sleeps for hours at a time. 

How do you put into words the feeling that you get when your deepest, most important dream comes true? I haven't figured it out yet, although I have spent hours staring at her face in wonder. 

My oldest is still my first baby, the one that made me a mother. She's the one that changed everything for me. I couldn't comprehend how I could love any other person as much as I love her. I get it now. My heart didn't split my love in two, it multiplied it without question. 

Ashley Fisher

About Wonderland Media

Wonderland Media was created to provide startups, businesses, and bloggers with a resource to help them meet their goals. We are digital storytellers, using your unique story to connect potential customers with your brand. After diving deep into your business, we will craft a unique multi-platform marketing campaign that will best meet your short- and long-term business goals. Best of all, we will use quantifiable data gathered throughout the campaign so that you can see exactly how we are positively influencing your business.

We specialize in: social media marketing & community management, event planning & publicity, digital marketing (including Pay-Per-Click & ethical SEO), content generation, and graphic design.

About Ashley Heinaranta

Throughout her decade in various marketing roles, Ashley has guided countless businesses through the muddy waters of creating an “online presence”. With experience in branding, consulting on business and marketing plans, graphic design, and digital marketing, she is a powerhouse of knowledge and experience. Ashley loves to work with start ups, bloggers, and small business owners, as well as established businesses and brands. No project is too small for her, and she loves the unique challenge that every project presents.

When You Can See The Finish Line, But It's Still So Far Away

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Pregnancy is shit, yo. 

There are a million things that I could complain about, but then I'd feel guilty because I know I'm lucky to have conceived--and successfully carried--this child for the past 31 weeks. I am very aware that not everyone has that luxury, and I have been in the terrible position of wondering if it would ever be possible to have another healthy child. I get it. 

I complain about the aches and pains to the people around me, and most people just roll their eyes and assume I'm being over-dramatic about the things that every pregnant lady goes through. Not everyone has a constant 6/10 pain in their rib cage for six months, let me tell you that right now. The aches and pains, the discomfort--those are the easy things to talk about. The physical toll that pregnancy takes on your body is well-documented. 

The part that is hard to talk about--the part that is so difficult to verbalize because of the stigma attached to it--is the mental toll that this pregnancy is taking on me. I wasn't expecting constant anxiety. I have a baseline for anxiety due to my panic disorder, but this pregnancy has exacerbated it in a way that I could never have predicted: I'm so, so very sick of being touched. 

I'm not talking about the family members that rub my belly, or the way my mom always leans close and whispers to the baby. Or how my daughter loves to snuggle up beside me and talk to her sister, or how she also loves to kiss my belly. Those are moderate annoyances that I put up with because I love my family, and I love my daughter, and I know that they do it to show their love for the baby. 

But, guys, there is always a person touching me. Always. Even when she isn't flipping or stretching or playing my kidneys like bongos, she is inside my body, and she is touching me. There are days when it takes every ounce of my strength to not break down in a massive panic attack over that constant touching. 

When you bundle together the physical pains with the emotional stress you end up with a very tightly-wound version of me--and I hate it. I hate that it puts additional stress on my marriage because there are days where I just can't function outside of necessity. I hate that I just want to curl up in bed and hibernate for the next 63 days because I just can't deal with the culmination of life right now. I hate that work will always be stressful, but especially when you're six weeks away from leaving for a year and have a huge laundry list of things to do and teach before leaving is even an option. I hate that we had to move when I am seven months pregnant and unable to do anything even remotely helpful. I hate feeling weak, and vulnerable, and frustrated, and useless, and a burden. 

Please, for the love of all that is holy and good in this world, let her make her appearance sooner than 63 days. And let her come out clutching a bottle of Chardonnay for me to drink. 

Ashley Fisher

About Wonderland Media

Wonderland Media was created to provide startups, businesses, and bloggers with a resource to help them meet their goals. We are digital storytellers, using your unique story to connect potential customers with your brand. After diving deep into your business, we will craft a unique multi-platform marketing campaign that will best meet your short- and long-term business goals. Best of all, we will use quantifiable data gathered throughout the campaign so that you can see exactly how we are positively influencing your business.

We specialize in: social media marketing & community management, event planning & publicity, digital marketing (including Pay-Per-Click & ethical SEO), content generation, and graphic design.

About Ashley Heinaranta

Throughout her decade in various marketing roles, Ashley has guided countless businesses through the muddy waters of creating an “online presence”. With experience in branding, consulting on business and marketing plans, graphic design, and digital marketing, she is a powerhouse of knowledge and experience. Ashley loves to work with start ups, bloggers, and small business owners, as well as established businesses and brands. No project is too small for her, and she loves the unique challenge that every project presents.

2017 Was A Year (A Review)

2017 Was A Year (A Review)

I think we can all agree that 2017 was a year. I'm not even going to touch the political trash fire, nor the environmental trash fire, that was 2017. I'm not a political analyst, and I'm also not interested in attracting trolls. So instead, this list is going to be selfishly about me. Isn't that why we blog? To write about ourselves, even if other people don't really care about what we say? That's probably another conversation for my therapist, not my blog. Anyways--the year in review. 

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Traditions, Control, and Harry Potter.

Traditions, Control, and Harry Potter.

When I was a kid, I was obsessed with traditions. If we did anything more than one year in a row, in my mind, it was cemented as being a tradition, and therefore was unbreakable and unmissable. I couldn't reconcile changes to traditions in my own mind, and my desire for strict rigidity was entirely unsustainable. My mother would have to stop me from rearranging the ornaments on the tree "until it looked like last year", and she calmly handled my meltdown when we moved to Edmonton and no longer had a mantle to hang our stockings on. At Halloween, I would insist on roasting pumpkin seeds before trick-or-treating because there was one time (when I was, perhaps, four) that my mother had done this, and it stuck in my mind. 

Not content with just current family traditions, I also spent a lot of time researching the traditions of different cultures around the world to see how other people lived. I collected recipes for holiday meals around the world and failed spectacularly on more than one occasion when I attempted to recreate them. I quizzed my friends on what their families did over the holidays and compared their traditions to our own, just to make sure that we weren't that weird family that did weird things at the holidays--or, worse, that boring family that didn't do anything at all. 

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